It all began the first time I walked into a store and someone referred to me as a "guest." 

"A guest?" I asked.  "I'm not a guest.  I'm a customer." 

Guests are people who must defer to their hosts.  When you really are a guest, you don't tell your host that you didn't like dinner, would prefer a different pillow, or are going to stay longer. 

These days, I'm feeling a bit like Alice in Wonderland, with all the norms of customer service turned topsy-turvy. 

So, I've decided to devote this section to describing customer service failures and oddities .