It's that time of year, right before Christmas, when most of us in the US struggle with the question of who to tip and how much? It's become an increasingly difficult question, as the people who provide service in our lives multiply and their expectations grow.

When I was young, people gave cookies and fruitcakes to newspaper boys, milkmen, hairdressers, etc. Today, professionals can have a small army of people who provide service -- manicurists, personal trainers, gym attendants, FedEx/DSL/UPS deliverymen, car service drivers, to name a few. And those people have employers who've made no secret of their efforts to shift the Christmas bonus obligation to you. Now, these people look at you expectantly as the holiday draws near. Many give you holiday cards which are thinly veiled reminders that they're counting on you to make their holiday dreams come true.

My recommendations for tipping:

1) Don't give more than you can afford. You can't possibly give as much as their richest customers. (Did you see the New York Times article about the doctor who gave cosmetic surgery to his favorite service providers?)

2) Don't give tips to induce better performance. Sometimes we're tempted to give someone a better tip than we think they deserve in the hopes that it will motivate them to provide improved service in the future. Unfortunately, more often, it convinces them that they've been giving good service.

3) Don't give tips to punish poor performance. The holidays are not the time to punish people for what you think they've done wrong. No lumps of coal; no dead roses; no one-cent tips!

4) Reward good performance. This is supposed to be about customer service. If someone has done a fine job, this is your opportunity to let them know. Go ahead and give tips of differing amounts -- the best to the best! Don't worry about hurting someone else's feelings. In any business, someone else will prefer a different style and reward a different employee with the highest tip.